TWISTED THOUGHTS

Is it bad that I never want the title of a “girlfriend” again?... it’s just that I feel like girlfriends get the least of men. 

As a girlfriend I have to show you I can be a wife, show you I can support you through all of your strife. It’s like I’m playing this role hoping one day you’ll choose me but in the end all that shit just seems like foolery. 

Don’t get me wrong, one day I’ll love being someones backbone but I’m just not down for the audition and on top of that I’m a woman with goals on a mission with lots of ambition. 

 I’m not the right woman for that role, being a “girlfriend” has never been one of my goals. So I can’t perform this role in your play and I will understand if you have to give my spot away. I’m just too busy making my own motion picture, if I stop now and perform in yours I’ll only get a feature. You’ll get the staring role and I’ll be beside you playing my part in your beautiful work of art. 

But I refuse to live my life in the shadows so I’ll stick to my own script, you can admire me from afar like an audience. Hopefully that’ll give you enough insight to see that I’m more than what a wife should be. 

Then you’ll be able to see why the role of being a “girlfriend” is so belittling to me. 

Expectations

One of our major downfalls as people is that we place expectations on others. Just like we shouldn’t feel the need to meet the expectations that people set for us, they shouldn’t feel need to do the same in return. When we expect people to do something or be something for us we are hoping, believing and waiting for it to actually happen, but there is no guarantee that it will happen. To say that we will never have expectations for people is unrealistic, but what is realistic is knowing yourself, knowing what you want/need and then setting a standard and boundaries for the people in your life to follow. The only way to successfully accomplish this is through diligence and communication. Sticking to what you want and need for yourself and communicating that effectively with the people in your life so that everyone is aligned and on common ground. There are going to be people who won’t want to meet your standards or even care about your boundaries but from there is where diligence comes into play, if they can’t meet your standards or at least make an effort to try then what’s the point of having them in your life? On the contrary we have to evaluate ourselves and ask what do we bring to the table as well? If you aren’t being beneficial you can’t expect others to be beneficial for you either. You have to become what you want/need in order to attract it, no one will take you seriously if you don’t take yourself seriously. That also means that you cannot be hesitant to let people go who aren’t willing to meet your standards, the longer you let them linger in your life the longer they hold space and time for those that will. Stop waiting for people to change for you, instead  make the changes to yourself, once you do that the rest will follow. 

TWISTED THOUGHTS

With so many ways to communicate I can’t help but feel like it’s only made us more distant. I know that I can contact someone in an instant but it’s only made me feel more resistant.

I want to get back to the old fashioned lifestyle like hand written letters and love that you can feel from miles and miles. Taking the time to express your emotions with your words leaving no feelings left unheard.

Now-a-days people think actions speak louder than words but forget that words are of affirmation. Once you show me you can stick to your word you can have all my gratification.

See words mean more to me than anything, God said “life or death are in the power of the tongue”, so if you can woo me over with word play followed by actions then baby you’ve won. 

But this modern day communication has gotten us all off course, we read texts and emails but barely know the source.

I need to know the real you or I can’t communicate efficiently, small talk bores me so please take me out my misery. This touch screen has made us all lack substance which is why I’m so reluctant.  I can’t fall in love with someone that’s artificial and holds no weight, I need someone to hold me down  and keep me in place. 
But we’re stuck in a dimension where computer love is all that’s offered, if that’s all you have then baby please don’t bother. 

Settling

I don’t know who needs to hear this but choosing yourself is not settling. Too often are there times where we are placed in predicaments where we have to choose one side or the other, but there’s always a 3rd choice and it’s you. Choosing to remove yourself from a situation or even choosing to just focus on yourself entirely without giving your energy to the situation at the time is not settling and if people cannot understand that then they probably don’t have your best interest in mind. The people involved may try to make you feel bad or even throw jabs at you for doing this but you have to remember that each choice that you make falls on you, no one else. It’s you that has to deal with the consequences of your decisions not the person who’s pressuring you to pick a side. If there’s a clear choice and you feel completely comfortable with it go for it, but if you’re torn between the two and can’t make a conscience decision don’t force it, go for the 3rd choice. In the end you’re choosing yourself therefore you could never lose. 

TWISTED THOUGHTS

I can’t blame you for not seeing past this exterior that God has hand crafted. My full lips, my soft skin and my thick thighs make you go blind to the  fact that I’m much more than that. My looks may lure you in but I’m more than what you see. If you get distracted by the outside me, you’ll never have a chance to meet the inner me.

What you don’t realize is God has made a master piece on top of a master piece. 

Consequently, you being infatuated with my exterior makes me feel superior to you and your male ego, so don’t get mad when I make this a game and play with you like a toy.

Luring you in like my prey, but only using you as my bait for the bigger catch. I’m sorry but this was like a game to me, you see? you can’t blame me for you not being able to see past my full lips, my soft skin and my thick thighs, a distraction at its best. 

My mind was always in control but your concern was only with what my body could do, an exquisite decoy,

you couldn’t see me for me, so who was really the toy?

Success vs. Satisfaction

The next man doesn’t always need to know your next move or even your last move. As a generation I believe we are all guilty of this, flaunting our accomplishments and telling more people than we need to about our next moves, but when are we going to realize that this very thing is handicapping us? When we continue to flaunt our accomplishments we a get accommodated to the feeling of being “successful” in some way, which can be true, but you’re still not your most successful therefore you cannot claim success just yet. Doing this will allow others to place an expectation on you and that then makes us place an expectation on ourselves to deliver, but who are you trying to impress, are you running after success to please yourself or others? If you’re chasing success to please others you’ll never feel like what you’ve done is enough because you have never truly done anything to satisfy yourself, but if you move in silence and cheer yourself on your success will be everlasting and fulfilling to your soul. Think about why you’re chasing success, what real success is to you and at least consider the fact that being successful doesn’t always mean having an audience to cheer you on. 

TWISTED THOUGHTS

Can I admire you from a distance and fantasize about your existence in mine? Or is it too much to not want you physically? 

Because physically you do not stimulate me. Your potential feeds my soul, your potential makes my juices flow, the thought of you leaves no boundaries to the things that I could do.... 

but physically you ...

Physical you doesn’t compare to what I’ve romanticized, my eyes won’t let me see past potential you, all the things we could of done if you and I were actually one. 

One mind, one body, one soul... 

guess I’ll just have to settle for potential...

Weakest Link

The easiest thing we could do as people is give up; give up on our problems, give up on the people that are here for us or give up on our dreams which all correlates to giving up on ourselves. The problems that we face through out our lives mold us into the people we are destined to be. The people that are meant to help us and guide us, teach us lessons that will last us through out our lifetimes. Our dreams have been planted in us even before birth because our dreams are vivid pictures of where we want to go and where we want to be, our destinies. If we give up on these things we give up on ourselves and our growth and we become stagnant creatures that just live day to day without any progression. You are your strongest and weakest opponent, you get out of life what you put into life and if you continue to give up and take the easy route, only unchallenging things will come to you. You won’t be equipped enough to handle the real battles of life because you’ve settled for the easy route your whole life. Face your problems, resolve them so you can take on something bigger, each obstacle you face comes with an even bigger reward, I’m not sure about y’all but I want all the smoke and I want everything that’s meant for me, I can’t stop, won’t stop until I get it.